Finding Your Fit: A Compassionate Guide to Parenting Styles
Parenting is one of the most rewarding — and challenging — journeys we take.
Much of what we instinctually know about parenting styles comes from how we were raised. It’s natural to reflect on your own childhood when trying to figure out how you want to raise your kids — and it might even help pinpoint what you did (and didn’t) like about your own relationship with your parents.
If you reflect on your childhood, you might be able to pinpoint what style your parents adopted to raise you. Were your parents strict? Did they offer unconditional love and endless emotional support? Did your parents play the good-cop, bad-cop dynamic? Or were your parents helicopter parents, circling with strict rules and a close eye on everything you did?
Now, you have your little one. Whether you have an infant or an eight-year-old, you might be in a position of trying to figure out your parenting style.
Generationally, many parents are searching for a way to make parenting their own — taking the good of what they had in their childhood and leaving the bad. Some might be seeking to break a cycle of generational trauma. Similarly, others might want to adopt nothing from their own childhood and redefine what parenting looks like for their kids.
Amid the constant flood of advice and information, you’ve probably come across the term “parenting styles.” While it's helpful to understand the general categories, the truth is that parenting styles are difficult to define. Why? Because every parent-child relationship is beautifully unique.
At Humm Parenting™, we believe that finding the right parenting style means tuning into your child’s needs, your family values, and your own evolving identity as a parent.
In this article, we’ll explore the most widely recognized parenting styles, how they influence development, and why a one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t work. We'll also share our philosophy and offer guidance on how to discover the approach that fits your family best.
The 4 types of parenting styles
If you’re researching parenting styles, it’s likely you’ve come across the most popular framework coined by developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind. Most of what we know about parenting styles originates from the research of Baumrind in the 1960s, later expanded by Maccoby and Martin. These frameworks break parenting into four main types based on levels of responsiveness and demandingness.
While we don’t necessarily recommend finding one of these four types of parenting styles in your own parenting journey, it’s important to understand where parenting styles have originated — and what type of research has been done from a cognitive, emotional, and behavioral standpoint.
Authoritative
Authoritative parenting combines high expectations with emotional warmth and support. Parents who use this style set clear boundaries but encourage independence and open communication.
One of the key strengths of authoritative parenting is its emphasis on mutual respect. Children raised in this environment are not only given clear expectations, but are also invited into conversations about rules, consequences, and emotions.
This helps them develop critical thinking skills, emotional intelligence, and a strong sense of self-worth. Because authoritative parents model empathy and consistency, their children often feel secure in the parent-child relationship and more confident in navigating the world around them.
This balance of structure and support sets a strong foundation for healthy independence and long-term resilience.
Key traits:
Clear rules and expectations
Warm, nurturing relationship
Responsive to children's needs
Encourages autonomy
Why it works: Studies show that children raised with authoritative parenting tend to be more confident, socially competent, and academically successful.
Authoritarian
Unlike authoritative parents, authoritarian caregivers are highly demanding but not emotionally responsive. Discipline tends to be strict and obedience is prioritized over dialogue. Authoritarian parenting often maintains strict rules — often about academic achievement, has an ideal state about a child's temperament, sets clear expectations that must be met rigidly, and can be less emotionally supportive.
Authoritarian parents may not immediately take into account a child's feelings or offer emotional support, often prioritizing behavioral outcomes and strict obedience above all. This is a parenting practice that doesn't offer much flexibility or feedback in the parent-child relationship.
Key traits:
High expectations with little flexibility
Emphasis on rules and discipline
Limited warmth or nurturing
Minimal input from children
Potential outcomes: Children may comply in the short term but are more likely to experience lower self-esteem, higher anxiety, and poorer social skills.
Indulgent or Permissive
Permissive parenting is high in warmth but low in discipline. Parents using this style often avoid confrontation and allow children considerable freedom. While permissive parents often have the best intentions — wanting to foster creativity, confidence, and a sense of freedom — the lack of consistent boundaries can create confusion for children. The permissive parenting style prioritizes high levels of emotional support and has elements of free-range parenting. The permissive style may also be more lax on things like strict rules, hitting key child development milestones, and the high demands of obedience and behavior.
Without clear expectations or follow-through, kids may struggle to understand limits, regulate their emotions, or take responsibility for their actions. Over time, this can affect their relationships, academic performance, and ability to cope with frustration. Still, the warmth and support inherent in permissive parenting can be a strength when paired with gentle structure and consistent guidance. Finding that balance is key.
Key traits:
Few rules or expectations
Highly responsive and nurturing
May struggle with setting boundaries
Children are given significant autonomy
Potential outcomes: These children may feel deeply loved but often struggle with self-discipline and authority, and can face challenges in school environments.
Neglectful or Uninvolved
Neglectful parenting can stem from a variety of circumstances — not always from a lack of care, but sometimes from overwhelming stress, mental health challenges, or a lack of parenting support and education.
When parents are emotionally unavailable or consistently unresponsive, children may feel isolated, insecure, or unworthy of attention. This can impact their attachment patterns, self-esteem, and ability to form healthy relationships later in life. Uninvolved parenting can have a negative impact, especially from a young age and in early childhood.
According to attachment theory, when a child's feelings and needs are not met, it can have a detrimental impact on a child's development well into adulthood, including how they foster healthy relationships with others in their lives. The opposite of helicopter parents, neglectful parents and uninvolved parents are distant, absent, and sometimes apathetic.
However, it’s important to recognize that change is possible. With the right resources and support, parents who have struggled with disengagement can rebuild a connection, offer more consistent care, and foster a stronger bond with their child.
Key traits:
Lack of involvement in the child’s life
Limited guidance or structure
Emotional detachment
Basic needs may or may not be met
Potential outcomes: Research links this style to poor emotional regulation, lower academic performance, and higher risk-taking behaviors in children.
The impact of parenting styles
Parenting style can influence nearly every aspect of a child’s development — from emotional security and academic success to social skills and mental health. However, it’s important to remember that these styles are frameworks, not destiny. The effects are also shaped by a child’s temperament, family culture, and external factors such as community and education.
For example, a child who is naturally anxious might respond differently to an authoritarian parent than a child who is more laid-back. Similarly, cultural differences can influence which style is more accepted or effective. Context matters — and so does flexibility.
Our philosophy on parenting styles
There are other parenting styles recently coined in the zeitgeist, like gentle parenting.
Gentle parenting is a modern, relationship-centered approach that emphasizes empathy, respect, and emotional connection over punishment or control.
Rooted in the belief that children thrive when they feel understood and supported, gentle parenting encourages caregivers to validate emotions, set clear yet compassionate boundaries, and model the behaviors they wish to see. It focuses on long-term emotional health rather than immediate compliance.
While it requires patience and self-awareness, gentle parenting can nurture secure attachment, emotional regulation, and mutual trust between parent and child.
At Humm Parenting, we believe in responsive, connection-based parenting. Rather than prescribing one “correct” style, we support an approach grounded in emotional attunement, mutual respect, and curiosity.
We encourage parents to:
Know your child. Observe their needs, interests, and emotional cues.
Stay flexible. What works at age two might not work at age ten.
Co-regulate before you educate. Emotional safety is the foundation for learning and growth.
Build a relationship first. Connection opens the door for communication and cooperation.
Give yourself grace. You are learning, just like your child is.
We reject rigid rules in favor of thoughtful, research-informed support that evolves with your family.
Can you change your parenting style?
Absolutely.
In fact, many parents shift styles over time—intentionally or unintentionally—based on life changes, stressors, or their child’s development. Self-awareness is the first step in making a change. By reflecting on your parenting values and observing how your child responds, you can begin to shift toward a style that feels more aligned.
Here are a few ways to explore change:
Reflect regularly. What’s working? What isn’t? What’s your child trying to tell you?
Educate yourself. Parenting books, therapy, and workshops can offer fresh perspectives.
Ask for feedback. Your partner, caregiver, or even older children may have insights.
Model what you want to teach. Kindness, patience, and adaptability go a long way.
Remember, change doesn’t mean perfection—it means growth. Small shifts in communication, expectations, or routines can lead to big improvements in your relationship with your child.
How parenting styles affect growth and development
Parenting styles shape the environment in which children grow, learn, and form their sense of self. Let’s take a closer look at how this influence plays out.
Cognitive development
Children raised in supportive, structured environments (like those provided by authoritative parenting) tend to perform better academically. This is likely because they are given both the encouragement and boundaries necessary to focus, persevere, and seek help when needed.
Emotional development
Warmth and responsiveness help children develop emotional intelligence and resilience. On the flip side, harsh or neglectful parenting may contribute to issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, or emotional dysregulation.
Social development
Children learn how to treat others based on how they are treated at home. Authoritative parents who model empathy, communication, and respect often raise children who do the same. In contrast, children of authoritarian or permissive parents may struggle with boundaries, conflict resolution, or assertiveness.
Long-term effects
While no parenting style guarantees specific outcomes, long-term studies suggest that consistent, emotionally attuned parenting builds a foundation for healthy adulthood.
What is my parenting style?
If you're wondering where you fall, you're not alone. Most parents don't fit neatly into one category — and that’s okay. You may be authoritative with bedtime routines but more permissive when it comes to screen time. The key is understanding your tendencies and how they affect your child.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
How do I typically respond when my child misbehaves?
Do I prioritize rules, relationships, or both?
Am I open to feedback from my child?
What do I want to model for them?
You might also consider taking a parenting style quiz as a jumping-off point for reflection—not a definitive answer.
Why defined parenting styles might not work for you
Parenting labels can feel limiting, especially if your child has special needs, is neurodivergent, or your family is navigating trauma, cultural shifts, or other complexities. Many parents find that blending elements from different styles—or creating their own approach entirely—is more realistic and effective.
Instead of striving to fit into a box, we encourage you to:
Follow your child’s lead
Practice self-compassion
Stay open to growth and learning
Create your own parenting blueprint
Soar through your parenting journey
Parenting is a dynamic relationship — not a checklist.
While understanding the four main parenting styles can offer insight, the most important thing is to stay connected to your child and yourself.
At Humm Parenting, we're here to support your journey with resources that honor your individuality and encourage intentional, joyful parenting. With Humm, you’ll be connected with other parents with similarly-aged children in peer groups — and you’ll also gain access to expert insights through workshops and 1:1 personalized coaching.
With the right resources, you can craft a parenting style specific to you and your child — one that isn’t in a one-size-fits-all or a cookie-cutter box. Just like your kid, your parenting style is unique. It will change and evolve as your child does. Parenting is a lifelong journey, which means the relationship and parenting style with your child needs to stay agile and flexible, too.
There’s no perfect style. There’s only what works — for you, your child, and your evolving family.