Finding Your Own Way: A Real Talk Guide to Parenting Styles
Parenting is one of the most rewarding — and challenging — things we'll ever do.
Here's the thing: so much of how we parent comes from how we were raised. It's completely natural to think back to your own childhood when you're trying to figure out this whole parenting thing. You might find yourself asking: Were my parents strict? Did they give me tons of emotional support? Did they helicopter over everything I did?
And now here you are with your own little one — whether they're a tiny baby or already eight years old — trying to figure out your own way.
A lot of us are searching for something that feels authentic to us. We want to take the good parts from our own childhoods and leave behind what didn't work. Some of us are actively trying to break cycles. Others want to completely redefine what parenting looks like for their family.
With all the advice and information constantly coming at us, you've probably heard the term "parenting styles" thrown around. And while it's helpful to understand the basic categories, here's the truth: parenting styles are really hard to define. Why? Because every single parent-child relationship is beautifully unique.
At Humm Parenting™, we believe finding the right parenting style means tuning into your child's needs, your family values, and who you're becoming as a parent.
Let's talk about the most recognized parenting styles, how they show up in real life, and why there's no one-size-fits-all answer. We'll also share our philosophy and how you can figure out what works best for your family.
The 4 types of parenting styles
If you've been researching parenting styles, you've probably come across the framework from developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind. Back in the 1960s, she identified patterns that researchers Maccoby and Martin later expanded on. They broke parenting down into four main types based on how responsive and demanding parents are.
Now, we're not saying you need to pick one of these and stick to it forever. But it's worth understanding where this whole conversation started — and what research tells us about how different approaches affect kids cognitively, emotionally, and behaviorally.
Authoritative
Authoritative parenting is that sweet spot between high expectations and genuine warmth. Parents who use this approach set clear boundaries but also encourage independence and really listen to their kids.
What makes this style work so well? It's built on mutual respect. Kids aren't just told the rules — they're brought into conversations about them. They learn to think critically, understand their emotions, and develop a strong sense of self-worth. Because their parents model empathy and stay consistent, these kids often feel secure and confident.
Key traits:
Clear rules and expectations
Warm, nurturing relationship
Actually responsive to children's needs
Encourages independence
Why it works: Research shows kids raised this way tend to be more confident, do well socially, and succeed academically.
Authoritarian
This is very different from authoritative (confusing, we know!). authoritarian parents are highly demanding but not emotionally responsive. Discipline is strict. Obedience is the priority, not conversation.
Think: rigid rules about grades, expectations that don't bend, and less focus on emotional support. These parents might not check in about feelings or offer comfort — behavioral outcomes and strict obedience matter most. There's not a lot of flexibility or back-and-forth.
Key traits:
High expectations with little flexibility
Rules and discipline come first
Limited warmth or nurturing
Minimal input from children
Potential outcomes: Kids might comply in the moment, but they're more likely to struggle with self-esteem, anxiety, and social skills down the road.
Indulgent or Permissive
Permissive parents have tons of warmth but not much structure. They want to avoid conflict and give their kids a lot of freedom. The intentions are usually good — they want creativity, confidence, and independence to flourish. But without consistent boundaries, kids can get confused.
When there aren't clear expectations or follow-through, children struggle to understand limits, regulate their emotions, or take responsibility. Over time, this can affect relationships, school performance, and how they handle frustration. That said, the love and support in permissive parenting is real — it just needs some gentle structure to go with it.
Key traits:
Few rules or expectations
Highly responsive and love
May struggle with setting boundaries
Kids have a lot of autonomy
Potential outcomes: These kids feel deeply loved, but they often struggle with self-discipline, authority figures, and school structure.
Neglectful or Uninvolved
This one's tough to talk about, but it's important. Neglectful parenting isn't always about not caring — sometimes it comes from overwhelming stress, mental health struggles, or just not having the support or knowledge parents need.
When parents are emotionally unavailable or consistently unresponsive, kids can feel isolated, insecure, or like they don't matter. This affects how they attach to others, their self-esteem, and their ability to build healthy relationships later on.
According to attachment theory, when a child's emotional needs consistently aren't met, it can impact their development well into adulthood — including how they connect with others.
But here's the important part: change is absolutely possible. With the right support and resources, parents who've struggled with disengagement can rebuild connection and create a stronger bond with their child.
Key traits:
Limited involvement in the child’s life
Not much guidance or structure
Emotional detachment
Basic needs may or may not be consistently met
Potential outcomes: Research links this to poor emotional regulation, lower academic performance, and higher risk-taking behaviors.
The impact of parenting styles
Your parenting style influences almost everything about your child's development — emotional security, school success, social skills, mental health. But these are frameworks, not destiny. Every child is different. Their temperament, your family culture, and things like community and education all play a role too.
For example, an anxious kid might respond very differently to strict parenting than a more easygoing child. Cultural differences matter too — what works in one family or community might look different in another. Context is everything, and so is staying flexible.
Our philosophy on parenting styles
You've probably also heard about gentle parenting lately. It's everywhere, right?
Gentle parenting is a relationship-centered approach that's all about empathy, respect, and emotional connection — not punishment or control. The idea is that kids thrive when they feel understood and supported. It encourages validating emotions, setting clear but compassionate boundaries, and modeling the behaviors you want to see. It's focused on long-term emotional health, not just getting compliance in the moment.
It takes patience and self-awareness, but it can help build secure attachment, emotional regulation, and real trust between you and your child.
At Humm, we believe in responsive, connection-based parenting. We're not here to prescribe one "correct" way. We support an approach built on emotional attunement, mutual respect, and curiosity.
We encourage parents to:
Know your child. Pay attention to their needs, interests, and emotional cues.
Stay flexible. What works at age two might not work at age ten.
Co-regulate before you educate. Emotional safety has to come first before any learning or growth can happen.
Build the relationship first. Connection opens the door for communication and cooperation.
Give yourself grace. You are learning too, just like your child is.
We're not about rigid rules. We're about thoughtful, research-informed support that evolves with your family.
Can you change your parenting style?
Absolutely.
In fact, most parents shift over time — sometimes on purpose, sometimes not — based on life changes, stress, or just how their kid is developing. Self-awareness is the first step. By reflecting on your values and watching how your child responds, you can start to shift toward something that feels more aligned.
Here are a few ways to explore change:
Reflect regularly. What’s working? What isn’t? What’s your child trying to tell you?
Educate yourself. Books, therapy, and workshops can offer fresh perspectives.
Ask for feedback. Your partner, caregiver, or even older kids may have insights you’re missing.
Model what you want to teach. Kindness, patience, adaptability — it all matters.
Remember, change doesn't mean perfection. It means growth. Small shifts in how you communicate, what you expect, or your daily routines can lead to huge improvements in your relationship with your child.
How parenting styles affect growth and development
The way you parent shapes the environment where your child grows, learns, and figures out who they are. Here's how that plays out:
Cognitive development
Children raised in supportive, structured environments (like with authoritative parenting) tend to do better in school. They have both the encouragement and the boundaries they need to focus, keep going when things get hard, and ask for help.
Emotional development
Warmth and responsiveness help kids develop emotional intelligence and resilience. On the flip side, harsh or neglectful parenting can contribute to anxiety, low self-esteem, or trouble managing emotions.
Social development
Kids learn how to treat others based on how they're treated at home. Authoritative parents who model empathy, communication, and respect usually raise kids who do the same. Kids of authoritarian or permissive parents might struggle with boundaries, conflict resolution, or standing up for themselves.
Long-term effects
No parenting style guarantees specific outcomes, but long-term research suggests that consistent, emotionally attuned parenting builds a foundation for a healthy adulthood.
What is my parenting style?
If you're wondering where you fall, you're definitely not alone. Most of us don't fit neatly into one box — and that's completely okay. You might be authoritative about bedtime but more permissive with screen time. The key is understanding your tendencies and how they affect your kid.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
How do I usually respond when my child misbehaves?
Do I prioritize rules, relationships, or both?
Am I open to feedback from my child?
What do I want to model for them?
You might want to take a parenting style quiz as a starting point — just remember it's for reflection, not a final diagnosis.
Why defined parenting styles might not work for you
Parenting labels can feel really limiting, especially if your child has special needs, is neurodivergent, or your family is navigating trauma, cultural shifts, or other complexities. A lot of parents find that blending elements from different styles — or creating their own approach entirely — is more realistic and actually works better.
Instead of trying to fit into a box, we encourage you to:
Follow your child’s lead
Practice self-compassion
Stay open to growth and learning
Create your own parenting blueprint
Soar through your parenting journey
Parenting is a dynamic relationship — not a checklist.
Understanding the four main parenting styles can offer insight, but the most important thing is staying connected to your child and yourself.
At Humm Parenting, we're here to support your journey with resources that honor your individuality and encourage intentional, joyful parenting. With Humm, you'll connect with other parents who have similarly-aged kids in peer groups. You'll also get access to expert insights through workshops and 1:1 personalized coaching.
With the right resources, you can create a parenting style that's specific to you and your child — not some one-size-fits-all, cookie-cutter approach. Just like your kid is unique, your parenting style will be too. It'll change and evolve as your child does. Parenting is a lifelong journey, which means your relationship and approach need to stay flexible too.
There's no perfect style. There's only what works — for you, your child, and your evolving family.